I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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