i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
