I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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