We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
