i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
