Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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