Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
