My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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