why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
When did angry sex become our thing?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
