My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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