I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
