dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
