I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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