So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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