the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
