He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
