"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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