I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
