You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
