I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
