I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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