Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
