your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
