Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
