are you still at the devil's house?
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
