I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
