2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
