Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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