I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
