My hand turned me down
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
