So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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