Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
