i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
