...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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