Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
