And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I just found a bag of teeth...
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
