You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
