So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
