Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Randomize
