I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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