so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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