She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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