why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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