Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
