Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
