Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
