Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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