Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
