Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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