Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
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