I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
