I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
