can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
